I grew up in the church.
I went to Sunday school.
I went to youth group.
My dad is a pastor and I have always been and will always be the classic P.K.
I went to a Christian school from 1st grade until I graduated.
My parents are wonderful God-fearing people.
So naturally, I heard the message of God's grace preached over and over again growing up. I heard about how God loves us and how Jesus' sacrifice saved me from my sin. I knew it was true and I believed it.
There was just one problem.
Sometimes when you hear a message like that over and over and over again, you can become desensitized to its weight.
It becomes mundane. It goes in one ear and out the other.
Throughout high school, I always loved Jesus and tried my best to serve Him fully. But I always felt like I had a little dry patch in my life. I always envied new believers and their zeal and passion for the Gospel. That spark in their eye and the way you can see the love of Jesus radiate through them. That enthusiasm that doesn't seem to run out.
I "accepted Jesus into my heart" when I was 3-years-old. I made my faith my own when I was a freshman in high school. But other than that, I can not recall a real revival, if you will, in my life.
There were times when I would wish that I had a more dramatic testimony. One where I was so lost but God stepped in, picked me up out of the ashes, and saved me from myself.
There was always something missing. Or so I thought.
When I came to Austria, I knew I would grow in my walk with God. But nothing could have prepared for the growth I have experienced. God has revealed Himself to me and I have matured in Him more in the past two months of living in Austria than I have in the past three years.
I feel like I have experienced that new believer's passion for the Gospel. I feel His presence everywhere I go.
So what has God taught me, you ask?
Let me tell you.
I have always heard that Jesus is enough. That He is all we need. No matter what.
I have never pondered that concept more than I have in the past two months. It may be cliche, but you never realize how much you need God until He is all that you have.
So I asked myself: "What would happen if all my worldly possessions, everything I hold dear, everyone I love was suddenly ripped out of my life? What if everything was stripped away and all I was left with was Jesus? Would I be okay? Is Jesus really my all and all? Would He really be enough to fulfill my needs?"
When I was really honest with myself and dug down deep, the answer was a resounding, "No".
I don't know if I would be okay.
My dad always told me that my self-image is in Jesus and He is the only place I can find true identity.
Since being separated from people at home, I have realized how much I find my identity in people and in the acceptance of man. I base too much of who I am on other people and what they think.
That's a great conviction, but really if I sit and think about it, I don't know if I will ever be able to say that I would be okay without my mom, my dad, brother, sister, friends, and mentors.
So if that's the case then where do I go from here?
I like routine but I also like adventures. I like adventures but I also like things to go the way I plan.
That being said, I am not the most content person. I am always wanting something different, more of this, or less of that.
If there is one thing that I have learned in my time here, it is this: be content. Strive for adventure, but live in the present. Don't wish you are somewhere you aren't.
God has me in Austria. Right now. Yes, I have a life back home and yes, I miss it. But I am only 18. This is only 6 months. And I have the rest of my life ahead of me.
I have never been so thankful for the gifts that God has given me. I am so blessed by my family and friends.
So, after that confusing, jumbled mess of a blog post, let me just wrap it up by saying this: I have always wanted that long testimony. That spark in a new believer's heart. But I'm learning that God saves pastor's kids in the same way that He saves drug dealers. We all need Jesus and we are all His image bearers. We all need to be saved from ourselves. And the truth of the matter is, I was not missing something in my life before Austria...
I just didn't realize that the only thing I needed was right there the whole time.
On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.
Happy Thanksgiving from Ramsau, Austria!
