A Legacy

Last week, my mom got a call that her mother, who had suffered with lung cancer for the past year, had gone through a massive stroke.

Immediately, our jaws dropped and  tears began to flow.

We were told that the matriarch of our family was in her last days.

The end was drawing near for the woman who had kept our family together. The woman who had married her high school sweet heart at the age of 19. The woman who had 7 kids in 6 years all by the time that she was was 26-years-old. The woman who raised her children to love Jesus. The woman who had 21 grand children and an amazing relationship with every single one of them. The woman who had 14 great-grand children. The woman who left a legacy. The woman who loved the Lord with her whole heart and wanted to see the Gospel spread more than anything.

That woman was getting ready to go see Jesus.

...but not without a fight.

My mom and my aunt found a flight for the next day and flew out to Tucson, AZ. All week, my grandfather and all of her children, stayed by her side. All but her youngest child, Rob, who went to be with Jesus at a young age due to cancer.

Grandma was left unresponsive and helpless after her stroke. But that didn't stop her family from talking to her, encouraging her, and reading her scripture.

All week, I sat behind my computer at work, just waiting to get a call from my mom to tell me that grandma had finally let go to be with the Lord.

We waited, waited, waited, and waited, and then waited some more. For 5 days grandma was given "24 hours to live". But she wasn't about to go.

Over and over, her children, grand children, and even great-grand children told her, "Grandma, let go and go be with Uncle Robbie."

But she wasn't ready just yet.

Soon, Thursday rolled around and it was time for my family to go to be with grandma. Her memorial service was scheduled for Saturday. I'm convinced that she just didn't want to miss her own party.

As I walked into the beautiful hospice center that had been her home for the week, nothing could have prepared me for seeing my grandma. She was sick. But she was still grandma. We prayed and we sang and we joined hands around her bed. We told her, yet again, that it was okay to let go.

That night, around 11:10 pm, grandma went to be with Jesus with her dear husband and her kindred spirit and grand-daughter, my sister, at her side.

Friday rolled around, and my family pulled together and planned a celebration to honor our mother and grandmother.

That's exactly what we did. We celebrated her life.

At the service on Saturday, I was honored to be one of the 4 grand children to share about grandma. This is what the Lord put on my heart to say:

Reading of Psalm 146

"If there is one thing that I will always remember about my grandma, it's that she loved to party. I can still hear her contagious laughter echoing off the walls as she won a had of Rook, listened to grandpa sing a  rousing chorus of "Another One Bites the Dust", or just sat around the table telling stories with her family. She loved to have a good time and she was always the life of the party whether she liked it or not. She loved to party and she loved to praise Jesus while doing it. My grandma loved life and she loved to celebrate. If you knew her, you know that she would have wanted today to be a celebration of life. Today I'm celebrating a life well lived--lived to the fullest--all for the glory and honor of her savior, Jesus Christ.

In the last year of grandma's life, she spoke of how she just wanted to celebrate life and share the Gospel with her story. That woman loved Jesus and just wanted to see the Word of God spread. A close second to Jesus was her incredible husband. Grandma loved grandpa more than I can even express. She served him, honored him, and never spoke a negative word about him--not that there are may negative things to say about The Big Guy. Grandma was one of those people who had an overwhelming amount of love for everyone. She was the most thoughtful and caring person I have ever met. She never forgot a birthday, never failed to send out cards for every occasion, and regularly called multiple people just to find out what's new. Once I heard grandpa say, "The amount of money that she spends on cards every month is ridiculous!" She loved to serve others and make people smile. She had 7 kids, 21, grandkids, and 14 great-grandkids. On top of that, she acquired so many friends over her almost 75 years. If you ever met her and didn't feel blessed after being with her, then you should probably check your pulse.

Grandma was an incredible woman who influenced this family in more ways than I can say. She taught us to love each other, love others, and most importantly, to love Jesus.

The last time I was with my grandma, she took me to get my nose pierced. When we returned from our little adventure, I checked my email and got the news that my plans for the Fall had fallen through. I was devastated. Grandma talked me through my options, comforted me, and encouraged me. I would not have wanted to be with anyone else in that time.

Today we want to honor her and I think I speak on behalf of all of us grandkids when I say that we are so privileged and blessed to have called her, "grandma"."

I love you grandma and I miss you. See you soon!

1 Peter 5:10, 11
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

Twelve

Four polo shirts, two khaki skorts, one skirt, and a plaid skort from 3rd grade hang idly in my closet tonight. Washed and ironed for the last time in June. Twelve years of history went into those clothes. I wore them everyday. I had a routine: Green polo on Monday, navy blue polo on Tuesday, white shirt Wednesday, light blue on Thursday, and navy blue again on Friday because it was my favorite; alternating skorts every day based on what spilled during lunch--which my dear mother packed for me everyday all the way through senior year. I had two pairs of flats: One black and one brown. I had a logo sweatshirt which I would wear in the winter months paired with black dress pants.

Twelve years.

Twelve full years of classical, private, Christian school.

Twelve years of memories.

Twelve years of mafia games.

Twelve years of amazing teachers.

Twelve years of Biblical truths instilled in me.

Eight years of anticipating Mock Trial and four unforgettable years of participating.

Twenty-twelve. Twelve students. Twelve years.

Today was bittersweet...mostly bitter. Today was the first day of The River Academy's 2012-13 school year. Today 200 students woke up, picked out their favorite of the four polos, ate breakfast, and drove to the big brick building on the corner of Crawford and Okanogan. 200 students lined the halls, stomped on the brown carpet, and carried their backpacks that may as well have carried bricks. They unloaded their pencils, rulers, lined paper, notebooks, binders, Bibles, and dictionaries into their little cubbies and lockers.

I was not one of those 200 students.

Twelve years of going to school and suddenly after a two hour ceremony, it all comes to a screeching halt. It all ends. Just like that. In the snap of a finger.

Today I woke up, put on my skirt for work, and headed to an office where I sat behind a computer until 5 o'clock this evening. I love my job. But today I wanted be somewhere else. I wanted to join those 200 students in that school, which has been my second home for twelve years.

In three weeks, I will board a plane. I will fly to the unknown world of Schladming, Austria. Life will drastically change. No more uniforms. No more backpacks. No more TRA.

I am beyond excited for my new adventure, for this new chapter. But today, it's sinking in. The first chapter of my life has come to an end. It's over. It's time to move on.

Everyone has to grow up. And I am ready for my time.

...but today it's more bitter than sweet.

“All children, except one, grow up. They soon know that they will grow up, and the way Wendy knew was this. One day when she was two years old she was playing in a garden, and she plucked another flower and ran with it to her mother. I suppose she must have looked rather delightful, for Mrs Darling put her hand to her heart and cried, ‘Oh, why can’t you remain like this for ever!’ This was all that passed between them on the subject, but henceforth Wendy knew that she must grow up. You always know after you are two. Two is the beginning of the end.” 
-J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

Just a Spoon Full of Sugar

Practically perfect in every way. I used to want to be Mary Poppins. I mean c'mon, who doesn't want to fly through the sky, float on clouds, carry everything imaginable in a magic carpet bag, and be practically perfect in every way? Mary Poppins is one of the most brilliant characters Walt Disney ever created. But there's just one problem....

SHE IS NOT REAL.

Sometimes all I want to do is crawl in bed, pull the covers over my head, and shut out the world. Hide from my insecurities, imperfections, problems, worries, struggles, and everyone who may know about them. And then emerge again as a beautiful British woman who glides through the clouds, sings with birds, dances with penguins, and makes a bed with the snap of a finger.

Are you ever embarrassed because you aren't perfect? Do you ever think that you should be the perfect friend, girl/boyfriend, wife/husband, mother/father, sister/brother...but just can't seem to pull it off? I do. But today I realized something.

I am not perfect. I cannot please everyone and do everything right all the time. In fact I can't do either very often at all. Everyone has flaws. Everyone sins. And in the infamous words of Miley Cyrus, "Nobody's perfect".

Today I had to swallow the humble pill. Let me tell you, Mary Poppins was wrong because this is one medicine that does not go down with a spoon full of sugar. As I choked it down, I realized just how selfish and prideful I tend to be. How difficult it is for me to accept correction from my parents, employers, and even friends. I always knew that I was strong-willed (it's no secret), but I've never understood how much it effects my relationships.

In the midst of one of my proud moments today, a friend gently told me, "Kristin, I like to have my way too, but you can't go into a conversation expecting to get the answer you want. We all have to be willing to take, 'no' for an answer sometimes."

When I was immediately offended by this comment, I grew angry. Then 5 minutes later, I realized that I have a real problem. It's called sin. All my friend was trying to do was help me realize that I was being an arrogant jerk and I needed to swallow my pride and move on.

I went home, curled up in my covers, logged onto Pinterest, and came across this:

It's not often that you come across a non-cheesy Christian saying on Pinterest but, alas, this one did stand out. I am so consumed in ME. I am drowning in my own pride, selfishness, anger, frustration, problems, and imperfections. I want to be rid of them. I want to be filled with Jesus instead. I want to drown in His love. I want to drown in Him like I have already been drowning in His grace. 

So my prayer today is not that I would become practically perfect in every way because right now on earth...that's not achievable. 

Instead, I want to be filled with Jesus. 

Lord, empty ME of ME so I can be filled with YOU.

Acts 13:52
"And the disciples were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit."

Sometimes I wonder...

Why do I have the best family on the face of the planet?

Why are my friends always there for me?

Why do I live in America where I have freedom?

Why can I eat three meals a day?

Why do I go to an amazing school with teachers who care about me?

Why do I have the opportunity to go to Italy in a few months?

Why do I get to see my best friend in 13 days?

Why did God bless me with SO freaking much?

Why does He continue to bless me even when I screw up beyond comprehension?

Why is He always there to pick me up when I fall?

Why have I been given life and breath?

I mean, c'mon, I don't deserve it.

I am so caught up in myself. All I think about is my own life. I am selfish.

I build myself up and convince myself that I am good enough. I am prideful.

I spend my time complaining about little things, like the fact that it hasn't snowed in awhile or that Physics homework that I should be doing right now...

So let's be real...

Why am I here?

Answer: God is good. God is gracious. God is loving.

Period. End of discussion. Case closed.

I am so overwhelmed by His work in my life, in my family, in my school, in my church, and even in my city. His blessings are immeasurable and He is working in this world. He cannot be stopped.

So what exactly was the point of this blog post?

Simply this:

God is good.

The end.

"And from his fullness we have all received grace upon grace." John 1:16

I have a story. A true story. A not-so-happy story. A story that includes God's grace, love, comfort, peace, and hope. It doesn't sound that unhappy, I know. But with the good, comes the bad. This story also includes, sorrow and mourning.

I'll start at the beginning.

My grandma is in her 70s but you would never know it because she is really 17 at heart. She is a hilarious, fun, gracious, loving, forgiving, and understanding woman. She has contagious laughter and it is impossible to not absolutely love her.

My grandma makes friends with everyone she meets. I often wonder how she keeps up with all the people in her life. Oh, did I mention that she has 21 grandchildren and 7 or 8 great grandchildren? She is one of those people that calls on a regular basis and writes cards to everyone for no particular reason. Everyone in her life is beyond blessed to know her. I know I am.

Last week, we received some hard news. News that would seemingly change our lives. Forever. Grandma was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. The doctors found lumps in her limphnodes and after further testing, discovered that she has lung cancer. The only option being, chemo, which will only buy her a little bit of time.

With one granddaughter's wedding coming up and a whole lot of life still yet to be lived, the news, naturally, came as a pretty hard blow. Not only to her, but to everyone. Everyone in her life. Especially grandpa.

What the future holds for my sweet grandma is still unsure, but one thing remains certain: God's grace never fails.

There is a reason that this trial has struck my family.
There is a reason that God has put this into His plan.
There is still hope. For my grandma and for my family.
Only God can provide true peace and comfort.
Only he can perform miracles.

To say that I know the reason, or that I fully have hope, or that I have experienced that peace completely would be a lie.

To say that God will perform a miracle, would set myself up for defeat.

But there is always hope. There is always faith.

I have faith in my Jesus.

No matter what, one thing remains certain: His grace never fails.

I don't know what the future holds and I don't know what God's plan is. But I do know that His grace has showered over my family and that He has blessed us in more ways than I can count. His grace and His mercy are abundant in our lives and always will be. I have hope.

Whatever happens, whether God heals my grandma or not, one thing remains certain: His grace and His love never fail.

God is good.

 

Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!

Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

Psalm 34:8

It's the little things

I love...

Buying things at the dollar store because EVERYTHING IS LITERALLY ONE DOLLAR.

Finding Youtube gems and getting inspiration for late night activities in a small town. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WygNjMSllLQ

Raiding friends' rooms while they are on vacation.

The ability to get two free tacos every day for one whole year!

Free slurpies on 7/11!

Staying up until 4:30 in the morning watching dance videos and talking about everything there is to talk about with best friends.

Homemade hash browns for breakfast/lunch. Half of them were incredibly crispy and the other half were gray and mushy.

Waterproof mascara and pink nail polish.

Frisbee in the park and a BBQ with great firends.

10 dollars an hour for babysitting some of the cutest kids on the planet.

Watching the original Tron with my dad on the new TV.

The special effects in Tron. They are equivilant to that of Pacman.

Completely sarcastic texting conversations with the best big brother ever.

Jumping in the river as many times as possible.

A phone call from my sister from the airport before she left for her excursion through Europe.

Papa Dee who lets me borrow his car whenever I need it.

Crafts and room decorating with my amazing mama.

StumbleUpon.

Cheez-its and Pepsi, while watching Supersize Me. Oh, the irony.

I love...summer time.

It's the little things. It's the little things that keep me going. The little things that God has blessed me with.

I have the best life. You know why? Because I have the best parents. I have the best siblings. I have the best friends. I have the best family. Most importantly, I have JESUS.

Tonight, as I am laying in bed reflecting on all that I have been given, I am truly thankful. I am thankful for the little things, as well as the big things. I am thankful that I know Jesus. I am aware that I don't deserve any of the blessings I recieve, but I am thankful for grace. I am thankful for God's never-ending, all-consuming, unconditional love for me.

Though I don't deserve it, I am thankful for my life.

Maybe you've had a hard day, or maybe a hard week or month...maybe you've had a hard year. Even if that's the case, take a second and stop. Stop and think about all you've been given. Be grateful that you 're alive. Thank God for your life and don't waste it. Live it to the fullest, spread the gospel, and glorify Jesus.

Be thankful. Be blessed.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving,
and his courts with praise!
Give thanks to him; bless his name!
-Psalms 100:4

Determined

Hypocricy.

How often do we hear that word and just think of the Pharisees in the Bible and assume that we are never hypocritical?

Conviction.

How often do we hear that word and cringe because no one likes to be shown when they sin?

Convicted of hypocricy.

Well, those two words together...they make me cringe. That's for sure.

I like to give advice.

I'm pretty good at it..if I do say so myself.

Sometimes I think about the advice I give and wonder if I practice what I preach.

"Pray and seek the Lord's counsil. Be thankful through trials. Seek the will of God in all things."

Those are great words, but how often do we actually do that when we tell others to do? How often do we take our own advice?

Sometimes I wonder if I follow through on the encouragement I give.

"I'm praying for you!"

How often do you say that? ....And then not follow through.

That saying, "I'm praying for you", is thrown around much too flipantly. When you make such a serious promise like that, how often do you actually do it? Maybe it's just me, but I struggle with that. More often than not, I pray for my friends when I tell them I do..but sometimes, I forget. I'm not intentional about keeping my promise.

I have a friend. She is 16-years-old in reality, 6-years-old at heart, and 60-years-old in wisdom and knowlege.

She is the most intentional pray-er that I think I have ever met. She tells me on a regular basis that she is praying for me and she is one of those people that you just know she means it. She prays for the randomest people. All the time. She prays for the randomest things. All the time. She has pure love and joy in her heart for everyone she meets. If you are not blessed by her when you meet her, than you should check your pulse.

She's been through a lot of health issues in her 16 years of life. Recently she was diagnosed with a serious illness having to do with her blood circulation and so on. I don't understand it at all so I won't bother explaining it. But my point is that even through everything she has been through, she finds joy. She finds thankfullness. She finds a way to be the most encouraging person I have ever met. She has the gift of encouragement. I am convinced of it.

She truly practices what she preaches and she keeps promises like, "I'm praying for you."

Now my friend, Emily is her beautiful name, has the legal middle name of Nicole. But it wasn't long before her parents realized that this was not the right name. She is so full of joy that her parents knew that her middle name should be Joy. She is joyful always. Through it all. Emily Joy.

I want to learn from her.

I want to learn to be peaceful through anything.

I am convicted.

I am determined to pray more.

I am determined to take my own advice.

I am determined to seek the Lord through it all.

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice." Philippians 4:4

Follow Emily on what she calls her "Journey to joy". Be encouraged. Be thankful.
www.becauseyoushine.wordpress.com