Lesson 287: LOVE

“God is love.”

I tell you what, if I had a dime for every time I have heard a Christian say that…

Growing up and all throughout high school, that phrase always bothered me.

To me, it implied that God was just a fluffy little angel, floating around somewhere up there with nothing but warm, fuzzy feelings for everyone he created down here.

While He does love us, he is also a God of wrath, He is sovereign, omnipresent, all-powerful, etc. He has so many attributes and to just focus on one of them and say that God IS love just seemed so narrow-minded to me. It shrunk God into less of what He is.

Now I still encounter people who take His love too far, write off all things theological, and somehow teleport back to the 60s singing, “All you need is love”.

HOWEVER comma, since coming to Austria, I have learned that God’s love is a weighty issue and it is a HUGE part of God’s character.  

I was thrown into an unknown world. I don’t think there is anything on this earth that could have prepared me for how many things I just didn’t know before coming here.

I didn’t know that I would miss my parents so much.

I didn’t know that I would be an au pair for children who run wild and crazy.

I didn’t know that I would have so much time to myself.

I didn’t know that I would live up in the boondocks with a very unreliable bus system to get be around.

I also didn’t know that I would live in arguably the most beautiful place in all of Austria.

I didn’t know that I would grow closer to Jesus than ever before.

I didn’t know that I would gain an incredible thankfulness and appreciation for home that I could not have gained any other way.

I didn’t know that I would learn to love time on my own.

I didn’t know that I would love the Bible more every single day, that I would have an abundance of prayer time on a daily basis, and that I would find a true and personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Who would have thought that all that would happen in the middle of nowhere in the Austrian Alps?

Who would have thought…

As I sit here reflecting on this first half of my adventure, I can’t help but think one thing: I am so loved.

I am so overwhelmed and overtaken by God’s love for me.

I once heard one off my pastors give an analogy about God’s grace. He said to imagine yourself standing in an open field with nothing but hills and luscious green grass surrounding you. Suddenly, a bucket of water appears above you and soaks you to the bone. The water doesn’t stop. It never runs out. You just stand there, taking it in, all the while getting wetter and wetter.

Now picture God’s grace as the water.

That’s how I feel.

Who am I to deserve such love? Who am I to deserve such grace? Who am I to deserve such an experience? Who am I to deserve six months, rent free, in the Austrian Alps, with a monthly income, and opportunities to share the name of Jesus every single day?

The answer is that I, in no way, shape, or form, deserve any of it.

The answer is that I serve a God who loves me more than I can fathom.

It all hit me last night while I Skyped my dad.

He knows how much I love Christmas and am sad to be missing the traditions. So as we were talking, he said, “Hold on, I’ll be right back!” When he returned, he had taken pictures of every Christmas decoration in our house and a video of our new fire place and proceeded to hold his phone up to the camera and scroll through the Christmas cheer.

I love that man. Let me just ask one more time…who am I to deserve the parents that I have? Who am I to deserve the family I was placed in? For the record, my family is better than your family. I mean who else has a brother who will play and sing you Johnny Cash songs over Skype, or a sister who will Skype you during Thanksgiving dinner, or parents who will send you candy, movies, and warm coats to brave the cold Austrian winter?

So this morning, as I am sitting on the couch in my friends’ house, with candles lit, Christmas music playing, and snow falling softly outside the window, I am snuggled up in blankets, a big sweatshirt, and fuzzy socks, drinking hot chocolate, and I feel loved.

So God is a lot of things. He is wrathful, He is sovereign, He is faithful, He is all-powerful. But maybe, just maybe, it’s true what they say.

Maybe God IS love.

The most quoted verse in the Bible seems to take on a whole new meaning.

“For God so LOVED the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”  

Who am I to deserve to be saved from myself? Who am I to deserve eternal life with Jesus?

^“4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, ⁵ even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— ⁶ and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, ⁷ so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. ⁸ For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, ⁹ not a result of works, so that no one may boast. ¹⁰ For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:4-9

Austrian Update: Contentment

I grew up in the church.

I went to Sunday school.

I went to youth group.

My dad is a pastor and I have always been and will always be the classic P.K.

I went to a Christian school from 1st grade until I graduated.

My parents are wonderful God-fearing people.

So naturally, I heard the message of God's grace preached over and over again growing up. I heard about how God loves us and how Jesus' sacrifice saved me from my sin. I knew it was true and I believed it.

There was just one problem.

Sometimes when you hear a message like that over and over and over again, you can become desensitized to its weight.

It becomes mundane. It goes in one ear and out the other.

Throughout high school, I always loved Jesus and tried my best to serve Him fully. But I always felt like I had a little dry patch in my life. I always envied new believers and their zeal and passion for the Gospel. That spark in their eye and the way you can see the love of Jesus radiate through them. That enthusiasm that doesn't seem to run out.

I "accepted Jesus into my heart" when I was 3-years-old. I made my faith my own when I was a freshman in high school. But other than that, I can not recall a real revival, if you will, in my life.

There were times when I would wish that I had a more dramatic testimony. One where I was so lost but God stepped in, picked me up out of the ashes, and saved me from myself.

There was always something missing. Or so I thought.

When I came to Austria, I knew I would grow in my walk with God. But nothing could have prepared for the growth I have experienced. God has revealed Himself to me and I have matured in Him more in the past two months of living in Austria than I have in the past three years.

I feel like I have experienced that new believer's passion for the Gospel. I feel His presence everywhere I go.

So what has God taught me, you ask?

Let me tell you.

I have always heard that Jesus is enough. That He is all we need. No matter what.

I have never pondered that concept more than I have in the past two months. It may be cliche, but you never realize how much you need God until He is all that you have.

So I asked myself: "What would happen if all my worldly possessions, everything I hold dear, everyone I love was suddenly ripped out of my life? What if everything was stripped away and all I was left with was Jesus? Would I be okay? Is Jesus really my all and all? Would He really be enough to fulfill my needs?"

When I was really honest with myself and dug down deep, the answer was a resounding, "No".

I don't know if I would be okay.

My dad always told me that my self-image is in Jesus and He is the only place I can find true identity.

Since being separated from people at home, I have realized how much I find my identity in people and in the acceptance of man. I base too much of who I am on other people and what they think.

That's a great conviction, but really if I sit and think about it, I don't know if I will ever be able to say that I would be okay without my mom, my dad, brother, sister, friends, and mentors.

So if that's the case then where do I go from here?

I like routine but I also like adventures. I like adventures but I also like things to go the way I plan.

That being said, I am not the most content person. I am always wanting something different, more of this, or less of that.

If there is one thing that I have learned in my time here, it is this: be content. Strive for adventure, but live in the present. Don't wish you are somewhere you aren't.

God has me in Austria. Right now. Yes, I have a life back home and yes, I miss it. But I am only 18. This is only 6 months. And I have the rest of my life ahead of me.

I have never been so thankful for the gifts that God has given me. I am so blessed by my family and friends.

So, after that confusing, jumbled mess of a blog post, let me just wrap it up by saying this: I have always wanted that long testimony. That spark in a new believer's heart. But I'm learning that God saves pastor's kids in the same way that He saves drug dealers. We all need Jesus and we are all His image bearers. We all need to be saved from ourselves. And the truth of the matter is, I was not missing something in my life before Austria...

I just didn't realize that the only thing I needed was right there the whole time.

On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.

Happy Thanksgiving from Ramsau, Austria!

Lesson Three: The Two Week Rule

This summer I was blessed with an absolutely incredible job with even more incredible people. I loved the environment and it was such an amazing experience. One of the best perks to the job was my boss. He goes to my church back at home and he is a God-fearing man. I remember one day at work we were talking about Austria and adjustments that I was having to make in my life and he said this to me, “You know I’m a firm believer that in every situation you have to give it two weeks. It doesn't matter what the situation is; just give it two weeks and you’ll know if it’s working out or not.

At first I didn't know what to think. It didn't make much sense to me and I couldn't figure out why two weeks was the magic number. I now realize that I didn't get it then because until now, I had never been in a situation that really forced me to rely solely on Jesus. I had never really needed to give anything time. I had never used the Two Week Rule.

In Austria I have been lonely and homesick. I have felt like there was nowhere to turn. At home if I had a bad day, it was easy. All I had to do was go curl up in bed, maybe say a prayer or two, and then vent to my mom. But here there is no mom. No dad. No friends. Not even the comfort of my own home or bed. Nowhere to turn. Except wait. There is that one guy who suffered through a lot worse than missing home. That one guy who gave His life by the will of His own Father so that I could be set free. Oh yeah, that guy could probably help me.

So sure enough, about two weeks into my little adventure here, I hit a wall.

I feel like a running theme in my life has been the issue of trusting God. I have always known it was an issue and I think it has something to do with the control freak in me. I want to handle it all myself and in my mind, I can.

So as soon as I feel comfortable with a situation I say, “You know what, God, why don’t you just scoot on over and let me sit in the driver’s seat. I think I can handle this one.”

Sometimes God lets me drive.

I can tell you, however, that ten time out of ten, I crash the car and total it.

So that’s what I did this week. I finally thought that I had gotten the hang of this whole Austria thing when I got myself into a little fender bender.

I was selfish. I was so caught up in my own world. I missed home. I wanted my internet to work in my room. I wanted to see this. I wanted to do that. I wanted this time to take that hike. I, I, I, me, me, me, myself, myself, myself. I didn't care what worked for the family and what their schedule was like and I failed to remember why I am here: to help them. After all, they are the ones paying me and giving me free room and board.

I began to butt heads with the family and then right on cue, there was a relationship at home that needed mending, and soon enough, my fender bender was a full head on collision.

Thankfully though, before my accident became fatal, God stepped in.

He picked me up out of the driver’s seat, set me in the back, middle seat with my feet on the hump, and buckled me in.

“Hold on kid,” He said, “it’s going to be a bumpy ride, but don’t worry, I got this.”

“I got this.” You know why God’s got this?

Oh I know. Because He’s God.

Because He’s the one who ordained everything that has ever and will ever happen.

Because He has a perfect plan for you and for me.

Friends, there is serous comfort in that truth.

Throughout these past few days, I have learned a lot. I have learned to go with the flow. I have learned that God will work it out. I have learned that all things happen for a reason and for good as long as I serve Him.

And I have learned that I am one blessed girl.

Just two weeks in, and I know that this is going to be a good experience. I have made friends (some my age and one incredible sixty-year-old woman if you were curious) and I have grown in more ways than can fit in this post.

It’s only been two weeks. It feels like two years.

And so it’s true. The Two Week Rule really does exist.

I’m not saying that I am totally settled. That two weeks is all it took and now I don’t miss home at all and everything is rainbows and butterflies.

But two weeks is all it took to open my eyes.

Two weeks is all it took to broaden my horizons.

Two weeks of ups and downs.

There will still be ups and downs. But after going down, there is nowhere else to go...but up.

Onward and upward.

2 Peter 5:10, 11

Lesson Two: The Comfort Zone

I have a very specific comfort zone.

If you've only met me once or even if we're acquaintances or better yet half-way-friends, you might think that I would do just about anything. I mean...I'm about as outgoing as it gets. I'm always down for an adventure. I'm even kinda-sorta-maybe easy going when it comes to deciding what to do on a Friday night. There's not much I won't say. Confrontation does not bother me in the least...in fact I actually quite enjoy reasoning with people and solving problems. I'm an extrovert to the core. I'm loud. I'm crazy. And sometimes I'm a little obnoxious.

HOWEVER comma, if you really know me well, and I mean really know me like how my family or my best friends know me, than you know that there is more to me than that.

Beneath that outgoing, outspoken, and, "I'm going to go sky-diving someday" exterior, even I have a comfort zone. Shocking, I know.

I always knew that I had a comfort zone and I even knew certain things that were definitely not inside it. But until this past week, I was not aware of how small my little bubble in life really was.

I thought I had accomplished a lot in my life. I mean I've been to Scotland, I've been to Italy, I've traveled around the United States, I've finished high school, I've always had a number of good friends, I've maintained a full-time job, I've jumped off of 45 ft cliffs, I've done a good amount of public speaking, and I've had a heck of a lot of fun doing it all!

That's nothing to be ashamed of, but when I really step back and look at it from my point of view in my little room in this huge house at the top of this tiny town way up in the mountains in Austria, 5539 miles from home and 9 hours ahead of most of you reading this, the list looks a little smaller than I originally thought.

So you're probably thinking, "Okay we get it, you have a comfort zone just like every other person in this world."

Okay so in my week in Austria, I have learned two main things that do not fit in my comfort zone.

First, flexibility. When I said I was sort of easy going earlier...I was kidding myself. I'm not easy going. I like routine and I freak out when things don't go according to plan. I don't roll with the punches very well.

So naturally I panicked after meeting the family that I live with and I realized that their English is much more broken than I thought, my work hours are not what I expected, and the kids are not as easy to handle as I hoped.

But I can already feel the Lord making me more flexible.

Second, one downside of being a complete extrovert is that I can't handle being alone for more than an hour at a time. I love people and my energy comes from being with them.

Nothing could have prepared me for the amount of solitude time I have here. It scared me to death.

But I am learning to redeem that time. To not sit in my room and dwell on how much I miss home, but rather, to read the Word, listen to sermons, and talk to Jesus. I am so excited because I have already grown so much spiritually and it's only been 6 days.

So I am finding that the first goal that God has for me here, is to shatter my comfort zone. To stretch me beyond what I can handle in my own strength. To teach me to truly rely on Him and to do everything by His strength.

I am so excited to see what the Lord does in my life.

In the meantime, a friend or two would be nice.

2 Corinthians 4:7-12

Austrian Adventures: Lesson One

My dad always told me that God always answers prayers in one of three ways: Yes, no, or wait. Personally, I would rather God just close the door and say, “no” then tell me to wait. If you know me at all, then you know that I absolutely, positively HATE waiting. I’m impatient and I’ll be the first to admit it.

Imagine this for a second: you live a simple life. You’re a high school student with not a care in the world and the best family in the universe. Literally. Suddenly, high school ends. You are thrown into the real world without a word of warning and reality hits hard. After a summer of working full time, it’s time to do something with your life. Instead of going to college like any normal kid, you get the brilliant idea to go to a tiny town in Austria and be an Au Pair for six months for three rambunctious children who don’t speak a word of English.

Sounds like a genius plan, right?

So that’s what I did. I packed entirely too much, jumped on a plane, and flew to Austria. All alone. First time I have ever been somewhere without anyone I know in my whole eighteen years of existence.

It was adventure time.

On a more serious note, I have to be very honest. I have been in Austria for three days now and let me just shoot really straight: they have been terrifying days and some of the hardest days of my life. All I have wanted was to go home, snuggle up in my very own bed, and talk to my mom. I love my mom. I don’t think I have ever been away from her for more than two weeks at a time. So back to the point. I've been a wreck. Every chance I have gotten to go curl up in my bed and cry in my room on the top floor of this four story house…I have taken it. You may think I’m overly dramatic and maybe I am. But my point is that this has not been easy so far.

Okay back to this whole “waiting” issue. Through everything in the past few days, I have prayed one thing at least 100 times. “Lord, give me a peace which only comes from you.” I haven’t been feeling that peace. I have been fed up with 4-year-old temper tantrums, 2-year-old hissy fits, and baby food on my turquoise skinny jeans…but no peace. And until yesterday afternoon, I had begun to think that God had said, “No.” Silly me.

After church yesterday morning, I went on a hike with my host family. We drove all the way to the top of the ski hill and began climbing from there. We walked with another family, who have two twin boys. My family has one boy and twin girls so we were hiking with two 5-year-olds, one 4-year-old, and two 2-year-olds.

Really? All I wanted was a little peace!

But as we reached the top, for the first time in three days, my mind was not on home. Instead I was basking in the beautiful creation. I was taking in the crisp fall air. I was in awe of the glory of the mountains that surrounded me. I was thankful for it.

And then it hit me.

What could be more peaceful?

The Lord had once again taught me a lesson and it was a simple one: wait.

I’m not saying that my home sickness is cured and that the next six months will be no problem. I don’t even like to think about how long it will be until I see my family and friends for two short weeks at Christmas. (80 days, if you were wondering.) I have full confidence that the Lord will continue to teach me lesson after lesson after lesson. But as for now, I have conquered the first one by His strength.

Lesson one: Be thankful. Be patient.

Psalm 121

A Legacy

Last week, my mom got a call that her mother, who had suffered with lung cancer for the past year, had gone through a massive stroke.

Immediately, our jaws dropped and  tears began to flow.

We were told that the matriarch of our family was in her last days.

The end was drawing near for the woman who had kept our family together. The woman who had married her high school sweet heart at the age of 19. The woman who had 7 kids in 6 years all by the time that she was was 26-years-old. The woman who raised her children to love Jesus. The woman who had 21 grand children and an amazing relationship with every single one of them. The woman who had 14 great-grand children. The woman who left a legacy. The woman who loved the Lord with her whole heart and wanted to see the Gospel spread more than anything.

That woman was getting ready to go see Jesus.

...but not without a fight.

My mom and my aunt found a flight for the next day and flew out to Tucson, AZ. All week, my grandfather and all of her children, stayed by her side. All but her youngest child, Rob, who went to be with Jesus at a young age due to cancer.

Grandma was left unresponsive and helpless after her stroke. But that didn't stop her family from talking to her, encouraging her, and reading her scripture.

All week, I sat behind my computer at work, just waiting to get a call from my mom to tell me that grandma had finally let go to be with the Lord.

We waited, waited, waited, and waited, and then waited some more. For 5 days grandma was given "24 hours to live". But she wasn't about to go.

Over and over, her children, grand children, and even great-grand children told her, "Grandma, let go and go be with Uncle Robbie."

But she wasn't ready just yet.

Soon, Thursday rolled around and it was time for my family to go to be with grandma. Her memorial service was scheduled for Saturday. I'm convinced that she just didn't want to miss her own party.

As I walked into the beautiful hospice center that had been her home for the week, nothing could have prepared me for seeing my grandma. She was sick. But she was still grandma. We prayed and we sang and we joined hands around her bed. We told her, yet again, that it was okay to let go.

That night, around 11:10 pm, grandma went to be with Jesus with her dear husband and her kindred spirit and grand-daughter, my sister, at her side.

Friday rolled around, and my family pulled together and planned a celebration to honor our mother and grandmother.

That's exactly what we did. We celebrated her life.

At the service on Saturday, I was honored to be one of the 4 grand children to share about grandma. This is what the Lord put on my heart to say:

Reading of Psalm 146

"If there is one thing that I will always remember about my grandma, it's that she loved to party. I can still hear her contagious laughter echoing off the walls as she won a had of Rook, listened to grandpa sing a  rousing chorus of "Another One Bites the Dust", or just sat around the table telling stories with her family. She loved to have a good time and she was always the life of the party whether she liked it or not. She loved to party and she loved to praise Jesus while doing it. My grandma loved life and she loved to celebrate. If you knew her, you know that she would have wanted today to be a celebration of life. Today I'm celebrating a life well lived--lived to the fullest--all for the glory and honor of her savior, Jesus Christ.

In the last year of grandma's life, she spoke of how she just wanted to celebrate life and share the Gospel with her story. That woman loved Jesus and just wanted to see the Word of God spread. A close second to Jesus was her incredible husband. Grandma loved grandpa more than I can even express. She served him, honored him, and never spoke a negative word about him--not that there are may negative things to say about The Big Guy. Grandma was one of those people who had an overwhelming amount of love for everyone. She was the most thoughtful and caring person I have ever met. She never forgot a birthday, never failed to send out cards for every occasion, and regularly called multiple people just to find out what's new. Once I heard grandpa say, "The amount of money that she spends on cards every month is ridiculous!" She loved to serve others and make people smile. She had 7 kids, 21, grandkids, and 14 great-grandkids. On top of that, she acquired so many friends over her almost 75 years. If you ever met her and didn't feel blessed after being with her, then you should probably check your pulse.

Grandma was an incredible woman who influenced this family in more ways than I can say. She taught us to love each other, love others, and most importantly, to love Jesus.

The last time I was with my grandma, she took me to get my nose pierced. When we returned from our little adventure, I checked my email and got the news that my plans for the Fall had fallen through. I was devastated. Grandma talked me through my options, comforted me, and encouraged me. I would not have wanted to be with anyone else in that time.

Today we want to honor her and I think I speak on behalf of all of us grandkids when I say that we are so privileged and blessed to have called her, "grandma"."

I love you grandma and I miss you. See you soon!

1 Peter 5:10, 11
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

Twelve

Four polo shirts, two khaki skorts, one skirt, and a plaid skort from 3rd grade hang idly in my closet tonight. Washed and ironed for the last time in June. Twelve years of history went into those clothes. I wore them everyday. I had a routine: Green polo on Monday, navy blue polo on Tuesday, white shirt Wednesday, light blue on Thursday, and navy blue again on Friday because it was my favorite; alternating skorts every day based on what spilled during lunch--which my dear mother packed for me everyday all the way through senior year. I had two pairs of flats: One black and one brown. I had a logo sweatshirt which I would wear in the winter months paired with black dress pants.

Twelve years.

Twelve full years of classical, private, Christian school.

Twelve years of memories.

Twelve years of mafia games.

Twelve years of amazing teachers.

Twelve years of Biblical truths instilled in me.

Eight years of anticipating Mock Trial and four unforgettable years of participating.

Twenty-twelve. Twelve students. Twelve years.

Today was bittersweet...mostly bitter. Today was the first day of The River Academy's 2012-13 school year. Today 200 students woke up, picked out their favorite of the four polos, ate breakfast, and drove to the big brick building on the corner of Crawford and Okanogan. 200 students lined the halls, stomped on the brown carpet, and carried their backpacks that may as well have carried bricks. They unloaded their pencils, rulers, lined paper, notebooks, binders, Bibles, and dictionaries into their little cubbies and lockers.

I was not one of those 200 students.

Twelve years of going to school and suddenly after a two hour ceremony, it all comes to a screeching halt. It all ends. Just like that. In the snap of a finger.

Today I woke up, put on my skirt for work, and headed to an office where I sat behind a computer until 5 o'clock this evening. I love my job. But today I wanted be somewhere else. I wanted to join those 200 students in that school, which has been my second home for twelve years.

In three weeks, I will board a plane. I will fly to the unknown world of Schladming, Austria. Life will drastically change. No more uniforms. No more backpacks. No more TRA.

I am beyond excited for my new adventure, for this new chapter. But today, it's sinking in. The first chapter of my life has come to an end. It's over. It's time to move on.

Everyone has to grow up. And I am ready for my time.

...but today it's more bitter than sweet.

“All children, except one, grow up. They soon know that they will grow up, and the way Wendy knew was this. One day when she was two years old she was playing in a garden, and she plucked another flower and ran with it to her mother. I suppose she must have looked rather delightful, for Mrs Darling put her hand to her heart and cried, ‘Oh, why can’t you remain like this for ever!’ This was all that passed between them on the subject, but henceforth Wendy knew that she must grow up. You always know after you are two. Two is the beginning of the end.” 
-J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

Just a Spoon Full of Sugar

Practically perfect in every way. I used to want to be Mary Poppins. I mean c'mon, who doesn't want to fly through the sky, float on clouds, carry everything imaginable in a magic carpet bag, and be practically perfect in every way? Mary Poppins is one of the most brilliant characters Walt Disney ever created. But there's just one problem....

SHE IS NOT REAL.

Sometimes all I want to do is crawl in bed, pull the covers over my head, and shut out the world. Hide from my insecurities, imperfections, problems, worries, struggles, and everyone who may know about them. And then emerge again as a beautiful British woman who glides through the clouds, sings with birds, dances with penguins, and makes a bed with the snap of a finger.

Are you ever embarrassed because you aren't perfect? Do you ever think that you should be the perfect friend, girl/boyfriend, wife/husband, mother/father, sister/brother...but just can't seem to pull it off? I do. But today I realized something.

I am not perfect. I cannot please everyone and do everything right all the time. In fact I can't do either very often at all. Everyone has flaws. Everyone sins. And in the infamous words of Miley Cyrus, "Nobody's perfect".

Today I had to swallow the humble pill. Let me tell you, Mary Poppins was wrong because this is one medicine that does not go down with a spoon full of sugar. As I choked it down, I realized just how selfish and prideful I tend to be. How difficult it is for me to accept correction from my parents, employers, and even friends. I always knew that I was strong-willed (it's no secret), but I've never understood how much it effects my relationships.

In the midst of one of my proud moments today, a friend gently told me, "Kristin, I like to have my way too, but you can't go into a conversation expecting to get the answer you want. We all have to be willing to take, 'no' for an answer sometimes."

When I was immediately offended by this comment, I grew angry. Then 5 minutes later, I realized that I have a real problem. It's called sin. All my friend was trying to do was help me realize that I was being an arrogant jerk and I needed to swallow my pride and move on.

I went home, curled up in my covers, logged onto Pinterest, and came across this:

It's not often that you come across a non-cheesy Christian saying on Pinterest but, alas, this one did stand out. I am so consumed in ME. I am drowning in my own pride, selfishness, anger, frustration, problems, and imperfections. I want to be rid of them. I want to be filled with Jesus instead. I want to drown in His love. I want to drown in Him like I have already been drowning in His grace. 

So my prayer today is not that I would become practically perfect in every way because right now on earth...that's not achievable. 

Instead, I want to be filled with Jesus. 

Lord, empty ME of ME so I can be filled with YOU.

Acts 13:52
"And the disciples were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit."